“How to Talk to Girls at Parties”

Once upon a time, there was a boy who built a snowman.  And in the dead of night, while all the world was sleeping, the snowman came to life and took the boy for a marvelous adventure.

I stayed out much, much past my bedtime last night, at a housewarming party in Brooklyn that was exactly what I thought adult parties should be like when I was a child:  candles burning, mulled wine on the stove, and a group of people clustered around a piano, singing.

If I were writing this in a story, I would pull you into the scene, make you see his fingers flying across the keys, playing Liszt so fast his knuckles and fingertips blurred.  You would know that the room was warm, almost too warm, windows fogged from all the bodies in motion.  You would smell the cloves and cinnamon and orange peels from the wine simmering in the kitchen.  At the end of the party, you, too, would feel a faint regret that the night was winding down, that the magic was beginning to ebb.

If this were a story, you would leave with some handsome young thing you’d found there, still singing to each other as you walked reluctantly toward the L train and the city and the apartment you live in alone.  You might even stop somewhere along the way and kiss, and because this is fiction you will be standing under the streetlight in exactly the spot where the raindrops misting down look like falling stars.

The real world is somewhat more prosaic than the fictional world though, and though I walked out of the party with a handsome young thing, I left him somewhere around Grand Central, setting off in pursuit of a young thing of his own.  I did, however, walk under a series of streetlights on my way from the subway to the apartment, and the raindrops falling through that glow of light looked exactly like falling stars.

“All This and Heaven Too”

My husband and I have been married just shy of a year and a half.  Before that, we dated for for years.  Before that, we were coworkers and friends.  I am still learning how to communicate with him.

For me, this is the most challenging, maddening part of marriage.  How is it that this man who I have known for so long, who is the other half of my soul, doesn’t instantly understand what I mean?  How is it that I, writer, poet, mistress of all things written, cannot make myself understood?

We fit together so perfectly that I forget, all too often, what different worlds we come from:  I from a family of bookworms and PBS programming; he from the world of pop culture and fast cars.  I spend my days crafting arguments; he spends his crafting meals.  I speak quickly, in half formed thoughts.  He deliberates, settling on his words with care before saying them out loud.

When we argue, our words fly by each other, meaningless as babble without our own frames of reference.

This too, I am learning: you can choose not to fight.  To say, I am too tired, too hungry, too stressed to have this conversation.  And you can say, yes, ok, we can talk about it later.

It is these small things, I think, on which the marriage is built.

“Tell me on a Sunday”

Another Sunday afternoon alone in the apartment.  I finished up the first draft of a new story, a short about the Wild Hunt, that I’m rather pleased with.  After spending the past five months on the same novel, it’s nice to be able to bang out a whole draft of something in a few hours.  My writing plan for the rest of the year is to focus on getting some good drafts of short fiction done, things I can polish up and start sending out to magazines after the new year.  There’s also a secret plan involving the new novel, but I don’t want to say anything for fear of jinxing it.

I’m also planning on entering a couple of year end pitch contests.  Pitches, by the way, are so not my thing.  I’ve had an inordinate amount of trouble trying to get the description of Pomegranate Seeds into something resembling pitch length.  Either it ends up sounding like a romance, which it is definitely NOT, or my antagonist comes off as a total douchebag (he’s NOT), or it sounds so generic as to be unreadable.

Back when I was still doing choir and theatre, one of my favorite teachers used to tell us that what mattered about an audition was the process, not the result.  My sixteen-year-old self thought that was the kind of bullshit teachers say to make kids feel better.  Now, after two contests, three major revisions of my query letter, and more rejections than I care to think about, I get it.

I’m viewing the pitch contests not as an end, but as a step along the way.  Here’s what I’m hoping to get out of them, in this order.  A good, solid pitch for Pomegranate seeds that I can use when people ask what my novel is about.  A few more writers to follow on Twitter and possibly connect with.  A few agents to query that I might not otherwise have considered.  And, possibly, maybe, if I’m really, really lucky, some interest in my manuscript.

“Welcome to the Jungle”

In case you’ve wondered where I’ve been for the past few months, the answer is that life has simply been chaos.  A and I are in the process of buying a house, which has got to be both the most terrifying and the most bewildering thing we have ever done.  So far, the process has contained a great number of “two steps forward, one step back” moments.  The broker and the lawyer don’t seem to think there’s anything extraordinary about the lack of progress.

Meanwhile, because our lease ended at the end of September, A and I have been moving from sublet to sublet.  We spent October in Ridgewood, which is this cute little neighborhood on the border of Brooklyn and Queens.  By the time I’d finally figured out how to direct taxi drivers to the place, the hurricane hit and the midtown tunnel closed.  By the time I figured out the directions for going over the Queensboro bridge, it was time to move.

We’re now up in Harlem, in a ground level apartment that A has taken to calling the “Love Palace” because the living room has five couches and pictures of naked people on the walls.  It’s steam heated, which means that when the heat is on, it is ON, at which point we call the apartment the “Love Jungle.”

No idea where we’ll be next month.

In other news, we’re planning to head back to the Bay for part of January.  Because nothing says “tropical vacation” like San Francisco in the rainy season.

“Doll Parts”

A few months ago, Anne-Marie Slaughter wrote a great article titled “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All.”  If you haven’t read it yet, you should.  Go ahead.  I’ll still be here when you’re done.

My reaction to the article was somewhere in between “of course” and “there’s no way that kind of systemic change will ever happen.”  Then I went on with my life.

I’m one of those women who has been told, from Day One, that I can have anything I want as long as I’m willing to work hard enough for it.  So I did.  Husband?  Check.  Career?  Check.  Kids?  Not yet, but on the horizon.  Lately, though, I’ve been feeling stretched over too many places, as if there’s not enough of me to go around.

I feel guilty that I don’t have enough time to spend with my husband, frustrated that I don’t speak another language (or another two or three) fluently enough to work in, stressed because it seems like there’s never time enough in the day to go to the gym or to yoga class.  The only time I feel peaceful is when I’m writing — but that means waking up at early o’clock to claw space out of my day.

I’m fairly sure I’m not the only one who feels this way.  For me, so far, the balance has been in learning what things I can let go.  Getting fluent in Spanish?  Forget it. Nightly workouts at the gym?  Not gonna happen.  Even so, it feels like there should be a way to move to a place, not where we can have it all, but where we don’t have to feel guilty about letting it go.