Tag: parenting

The monthly roundup – it’s not supposed to rain in May edition

On By BekkiIn The Weekly Review1 Comment

The serendipity of kittens. A few weeks ago, after Princess Diamond had been gone about a month, I asked a friend if he thought any of the feral kittens he’s been feeding and partially domesticating might be amenable to a new home. Definitely not, he said, but my partner’s co-worker rescued three kittens from a storm drain a few days ago.

Acquiring the kitten was a bit like buying a TV from a guy in Brooklyn – “so you’re gonna drive to this address, and call my cousin Joey when you get there” – kinda sketch, but ultimately a great deal. And while my preference is generally not to replace a pet right away, Kit came into our life at just the right time for Z, and is the sweetest, friendliest cat we’ve had yet. If you’re local, Kit would love to meet you.

At least the tent didn’t leak. Z and I went camping the first weekend in May, with a big group of families called, predictably enough, Family Camp. The highlight of Z’s trip was an activity called the Gopher Stack, in which a kid (or adult) in a climbing harness attempts to stack and climb milk crates. It requires persistence, grit, and a fine sense for your center of gravity. The low point was when the sky opened up on Saturday and the rain started coming at us sideways. We made a mad dash for the tent, dropping Z’s burrito along the way, but found a backup lunch and, most importantly, the tent was warm and cozy and dry inside.

Mother’s Day Adventures. My mom came out to spend Mother’s Day weekend with us this year. I was a little nervous about this, as the last time my parents came out for Mother’s Day weekend I almost bled out. We had a lovely day though. We started off with breakfast at Z’s favorite bakery, and then, at Z’s request, went on a San Francisco adventure that included pizza in the North End, a detour to a playground with the most marvelous balancing swing contraption, multiple types of public transportation, and ice cream sundaes at Ghirardelli.

The Jonathon Livingston Seagull of turkey vultures. Z and I went camping in Pinnacles National Park (two weeks after Family Camp, because I’m a glutton for punishment) with a few other families. We managed to get the kids out for two short hikes, one going up into the rocks a bit, with a magical tunnel through the mountain, and one that we hoped would lead to condors. About a mile down the trail (not nearly far enough for birdwatching) the kids tapped out and asked us to turn around. The adults heaved a collective sigh, briefly considered splitting into two groups, then decided that since *all* the kids were getting melty, discretion was the better part of valor. As we made our way back, a group of birds flew over the pinnacles, including one holding its body and its wings very differently than the rest. For a moment we all held our breaths in collective wonder. Then it turned, and we realized it was just another turkey vulture, although perhaps a more advanced flier than the others.

Oh well, said the same friend who helped us acquire Kit. I guess you’ll have to go back.

If I were a dragon, books would be my hoard. I recently acquired signed copies of The House in the Cerulean Sea and Babel and they are very, very pretty. House in the Cerulean sea is a queer love story about found family and belonging. Babel is a heartbreakingly cruel examination of colonialism and revolution. I highly recommend both.

Links and Things

Most of the signed books I buy come from Subterranean Press and Grim Oak Press. I don’t love that Sub Press still tends to focus on white male authors, but the quality is amazing and the fact that they keep picking up books like Babel gives me hope.

I’ve been reading Jonathan Haidt’s Substack After Babel, which focuses on kids and smartphones. I’ve particularly enjoyed the guest essays by folks like Freya India, who talks about what it was like to be a teenager as algorithms were taking over social media (spoiler: not great).

On the lighter side, Z has been tearing through Phoebe and her Unicorn, a comic about a sarcastic ten year old (who kinda channels Daria) and her unicorn companion.

Mother’s Day

On By BekkiIn Musings & Ramblings1 Comment

Z and I were supposed to be camping this weekend. It was her birthday present. We went camping in the backyard instead, in the giant tent my parents bought for us about a week ago.

I got sick about three weeks ago with a persistent low grade temp and a stuffy nose. Z was with her dad, so she stayed there instead of coming to me at the end of the week. My parents freaked out. To be fair, I did too. I talked my mom out of buying a plane ticket at least three times. I think the point that finally did it was that if she came to see me, I wouldn’t be able to see Z for another 28 days.

Three phone appointments with Kaiser and a negative COVID test later, they diagnosed a sinus infection and prescribed antibiotics.

My parents sent a giant, ridiculously expensive tent that probably cost more than the plane ticket would have.

Z stayed with her dad a total of three weeks. We video-chatted about an hour a day. Sometimes more. Sometimes three calls in a day. Each time, she told me to rest up and get better, because she had to be with me for Mother’s Day.

She woke up this morning and ran from the tent to the house to get my present. My parents helped her buy it – she’s been planning this since July, when she asked for their help. I sat in the tent with her and opened the little package that she was oh so proud of. In it was a silver locket, the kind of jewelry I never wear, and it was perfect.

The (belated) Sunday Review: Unicorn Onesie Edition

On By BekkiIn The Weekly ReviewLeave a comment

Hello lovelies.

This is the first year Z’s really been excited about Halloween, and we are rocking it hard core. She wanted to decorate, so we put a few tombstones in the vegetable garden and have been creating “mosaics” with bats and witches and other spooky things to hang indoors. In related news, I am now the proud owner of an adult sized unicorn onesie, complete with wings and tail.

Continue reading “The (belated) Sunday Review: Unicorn Onesie Edition” →

The Weekly Review – This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things Edition

On By BekkiIn The Weekly ReviewLeave a comment

1. Toddler’d. Step one to parenting a toddler: admit that you are not in control. A and I lined everything up perfectly for the Avon walk. Childcare. Hotels. Transportation. Fundraising. Then at 7:30 Friday night, after we’d been in the city all of 3 hours, we got a call that Z was sick. We ended up walking today, but we had to sit yesterday out. So we’ll be doing this again next year, with the goal of walking both days!

2. Faerie(tale) hair.

3. Shut up and listen. The seating for the concert I went to last week was at shared tables, and I was at a table with a group of four couples who’d come together. They seemed ok at first, but when the show started it became pretty obvious that they were there to get hammered and talk to each other. And that made me angry. Because I’d spent a pretty penny for a seat closer to the stage, where I could really see and feel and taste the music, and they were one giant distraction. I thought about going home after Matt Nathanson’s set (it was a double header with Philip Phillips) but moved to the back of the venue instead. Where, even though I wasn’t so much into the music, I had a great time because the vibe was way more chill. Plus I got to do the meet and greet and get a big giant Matt Nathanson hug (highly recommended). On the whole it was a good evening, and a lesson in maintaining calm in the face of jerkitude.

4. Seeking concert buddies. Do you need more music in your life? Do you feel like you never go out because it’s to darn hard to find a sitter? Hit me up. We can do a kid swap date night or a girls only date night or any combo thereof.

5. The older I get, the more I appreciate spending time with family. Cliche but true. Having my brother out here last weekend was delightful, and Z, even not feeling well, is happy as can be that her Papa is here this weekend. I saw my grandparents and my aunt a few months ago It was the first time I’d spent time with them solo as an adult, and it was a fun visit.

The Weekly Review – Sexism at the Farmer’s Market Edition

On By BekkiIn The Weekly Review, This is Feminism4 Comments

1. Avon 39 update. You guys ROCK! A and I have both hit our fundraising goals for the Avon 39 walk, thanks to the generosity of our friends and families. There’s still time to donate, if you are so inclined, and every dollar we raise helps fund medical care for low income women, treatment for patients, and research to stop breast cancer. Our team page is here, but you’ll need to go to either my page or Adam’s to donate (no more team donations this close to the walk).

2. Farmer’s Market fundraising. A and I signed up to do a fundraising table at the Benicia Farmer’s Market for the month leading up to the Avon Walk. I did the first week, two weeks ago, and had a really incredible time. About ten women came up to me during the afternoon to tell me that they were survivors or were currently undergoing treatment. We chatted for a bit, about why I was walking (to support a very dear friend), and about how different treatment is now, and about the importance of love and prayer and hope. Many of them wrote their names on our support board. I also had two older men come up to me, one of whom lost his mother in the 1950’s, when he was sixteen.  He told me there wasn’t anything they could do for her but cut away the disease and give her morphine for the pain. I think perhaps he had not thought about her for a long time. His hand shook as he wrote her name and he pinned it to the “memory” section, but he thanked me as he walked away.

Know the FactsRibbon JarsThe Support Board

A took the first shift at this week’s market, and his experience could not have been more different. For two and a half hours, nobody was willing to make eye contact with him, let alone talk to him – not even a woman with a chemo port.

It was a stark reminder that sexism works both ways. That we are just as harsh, if not harsher, to the man who steps out of his gender role. That we have a long, long way to go.

3. The gift that keeps on giving. The Mabacle is mostly in pieces in the Silence of the Lambs room downstairs, although the body is still on the street. A’s selling off anything not absolutely necessary to making the car go – seats, a/c system, door trim, headlights – with the goal of making her into a little race car.  So far, I think he’s found about $8 in change under the seats and floor mats alone, and gotten another $300 or so from parting it out on Craigslist. If it pays for its own roll cage and the other safety equipment, we might have to stop calling it the Mabacle.

4. Happily ever after.  My cousin S got married last weekend, up in Hood River, Oregon. It was breathtakingly gorgeous, the kind of scenery that I would almost-but-not-quite move away from the Bay for. I always forget just how many cousins there are on my mom’s side, and, as always with these kinds of things, I met a few new cousins I haven’t seen before but would like to get to know better.  The highlight of the weekend (aside from Z’s first trip down the aisle as a flower girl) was my cousin J’s toast to her sister. As much as I love my brother’s, I still wish a little bit that I’d had a big sister as bold and brave and mischievous as my cousins!

5. On writing with family. Back in January, I told myself that writing is writing is writing, and it didn’t matter if I blogged or noveled or short storied, with the thought that words would beget more words. In one sense this is true. The more I write, the easier and more quickly the words come when I sit down. In another sense, this is a lie. I have a finite space for writing – between 6 and 7 am most days. It is the only time that I have when I am not “on duty” as a mom or an employee or a wife – and even that space is intruded into when there are early morning phone calls or when Z refuses to stay in bed. So if you’re reading and enjoying these, let me know by leaving a comment or a share or a like.